A NAME SHOULD FIT THE AGE

Oops. I said on Monday that I would continue the series on naming characters on Tuesday, specifically how to make the name fit the character, but I forgot and posted a review of Karin Fossum’s Eva’s Eye instead. I hope you did not misname a character while my brain and half-baked ideas were absent to guide you.

Sometimes I go to restaurants where they ask for your name so that they can call it out when your food is finally ready. “John” is a good name for someone who is old and bald and white-bearded and extremely good looking. I do not tell the child behind the counter that my name is John, though, because when they call that out later, half the old men in the place will jump up and try to get my food. A long time ago, John was a cool name, so that’s how all the cool babies were called. Now it’s a “forever” name, in that every generation will have some babies named John, but it’s not a cool or trendy name. It’s mostly an “old” name, so it fits characters like I. [“I” doesn’t sound right, but I think it is a predicate nominative, isn’t it?]

To protect my food from predator Johns, I give a different name to myself for the occasion, a name to the kid behind the counter, a name no one else will have. No one would believe me if I say my name is Dustin or Trent. Also there may well be Dustins and Trents there waiting for food. I need a name no one else has. So I tell the kid behind the counter, who is wearing a name tag that says Dustin or Kristel, that my name is Ambrose or Oscar. There is hardly ever another one of those in the place.

One day I forgot what I wanted to be called and told the college girl [Yes, I know she’s a woman, but at my age, she’s also a girl.] to give me a name. She immediately said “Rumpelstiltskin.” She enjoyed it so much that she kept bringing me free food so that she could sing out as she came to my table, “You forgot something, Rumpelstiltskin.” She thought that was an appropriate naming of my character. Or else she was a kit lit or folklore major, which explains why she is working in a restaurant.

A character’s name needs to fit the age. If I tell you a character is: Beulah, Betty, Barbara, Bo, Belle, Becca, you can probably follow right down the age range, from 90 to 15.

In addition, if a character is major, she needs a memorable name. When I wrote a book for my granddaughter in her senior year of high school, I chose Bronwyn for the heroine. It’s different, memorable, and cool. If she is an ancillary character, give her a name that does not compete with the main character, something nice but common, like Mary or Brunhilde. OK, maybe not Brunhilde…

Oops, too many words for a “high concept” blog. More tomorrow.

John Robert McFarland

johnrobertmcfarland@gmail.com

Well, “tomorrow” is a moving target at the moment. Sometimes you are short on time and internet connections, which may be true for me the next four or six days. I try to post here every day, for personal discipline and sanity and enjoyment. Also, I think that if you are kind enough to come by on any day, looking for something new, there should be something new. Feel free to come back by any day; there may be something new, if I have time and internet. If I don’t, I look forward to that “tomorrow” when we can share a few minutes.

I tweet as yooper1721.

I hope you never need a cancer book, but if you know someone with cancer, you might give them a copy of NOW THAT I HAVE CANCER I AM WHOLE. Paul K. Hamilton, MD, the co-founder of CanSurmount, called it “The best book for cancer patients, by a cancer patient, ever.”